Smile Away....................

 

Chatting to a friend on the phone recently we started reminiscing about the 'good old days' and some of the things we used to get up to, some long forgotten tales of mischief and mayhem were suddenly dragged up from somewhere dark in the back of our minds and we collapsed into fits of laughter.

Unfortunately there are a fair few stories I can't or should I say won't share with you but I've found some nice tales to tell that might make you snigger as they did me when recently reminded!!!

 

Now you see me...........

I attended a secondary school called Whalley Range High School for Girls in Manchester. It was at this school that I enjoyed some of the best days of my life. Thanks to the wonderfully amusing classmates I shared my days with and the fact that none of us really saw school as a place of learning we had a whale of a time.

One particular break time we decided to steal the bottles of squirty glue from the art room and have a glue fight back in the classroom. I squirted a few people then decided to hide under the teacher's big wooden desk. You know the ones I mean, solid wood to the floor with just a gap cut out to put your legs under when you pull your chair in.

Anyway curled up in a ball, hiding from the flying glue I felt very smug until a teacher saw what was going on and came into the classroom shouting at everyone to sit down. She promptly sat down herself at the big wooden desk still shouting at the class and I was still huddled in the tiny gap with her feet edging nearer and nearer to me as she reprimanded everyone.

She sat there for what seemed like hours and so too did I. Luckily for me nobody knew I was hiding there and I never did get caught but it was last time I ever crawled into a tiny gap to hide from anyone!!!

 

You can't judge a book by its cover!

A good few years ago now my dad and I were shopping in Tesco and as per usual laughing and joking as we wandered around the aisles.

When we got to the checkout, still giggling at our silly jokes as we unloaded our trolley we noticed a posh looking lady unloading her trolley at the checkout next to us. She kept staring as if in disgust that we were laughing and being at bit silly and as I was out in just my jogging bottoms and sloppy jumper I presumed she thought we were a bit common and beneath her.

Carrying on with our packing we paid and left the store at almost the same time as her. We got to our car to find that she was parked right next to us. She looked shocked to see us loading our goods into the back of my dad's car which was a bloody big black Mercedes as my dad was an executive manager of a large company at the time. She was driving a small, very rusty fiesta!

My dad, noticing her shock at seeing the car us 'hooligans' were driving and seeing her small rust bucket he looked at her and in true Harry Enfield style said 'We're considerably richer than yow'!

 

The things we do for love

In 1995 I was working at Manchester City Football Club and I had a crush on City's then goalkeeper Andy Dibble!

I used to see the players around the place a lot and got to know a few of them to talk to including Andy.

As I was finishing my shift one day Andy was just getting into his car and as I walked past he offered me a lift. I asked him which way he was going and he said through town. I lived about 14 miles in the opposite direction to town but not wanting to miss out on getting in his car and having a lift I said town was perfect and got in!!!

It was only a short drive and after getting out in town I had to wait 20 minutes for a bus home and the journey took over 50 minutes because it was rush hour!! I was cold and tired and I could've been home in a nice hot bubble bath ages ago had I not accepted the lift that I didn't need anyway! Mad!

 

And down in the laundry

I used to work in a residential home for the elderly and although I worked very very hard there were a few occasions when I was very silly.

One day my work mate Sarah and I were in the laundry and we decided that it'd be really funny for me to hide under a pile of washing on the floor, get our other work mate Tracy to come down to the laundry and as she walked through the door I would leap out from under the washing and shout Boo!!!

So I got myself in place, Sarah covered me with bed sheets and clothing and she then rang up to Tracy on our unit saying she was needed in the laundry. Sarah stood watching as I listened for the laundry door to open. When I heard it creak open I leapt out, jumped up in the air and shouted 'Boo' dead loud only to come face to face with an agency worker I'd never met before. I don't know who was more shocked!

Sarah was killing herself laughing at our trick gone wrong just as Tracy walked through the door....................right off cue!!!!!

 

 

I cooked, I really did................but not without incident

At work one December I cooked Christmas dinner. Well I say cook because I am light years away from being any sort of Delia Smith!! We had frozen veg and the like but I did make real mashed potato. That's when the disaster happened.

Anyway when the potatoes were boiled I drained them into a colander. When the water had drained away I started to mash the potato. By now any cooks reading this will be one step ahead. I continued mashing and when I lifted the colander up the mashed potato had seeped in strips out of the holes all over the work top!!! It would've been brilliant if it was Play Doh!!! I'm so dim. I don't get along with food and kitchens very well!!!

 

Biffs Question Song

Sung by Tom Wilson who played Biff in 'Back to the Future'

This always makes me laugh!!!!